A blissful life

It wasn't until recently that I've actually realized how much stress we'd been under as a family. It felt as though the weight of the world was on our shoulders. Now, however, it feels as though all of that weight has been lifted. The skies seem brighter, the air seems fresher, and I have never enjoyed being awoken at 3am more than I do now. My little boy is so content and easy, it seems as though having two at home is much easier than one ever was. Melodie is so good with her brother. She loves to come next to him while he's crying and talk to him in a nice, calming and quiet voice. She loves to give him his pacifier, or sit on my lap and feed him or burp him. She is just in love with her little brother, and he seems to be in love with his sister. Life is pretty blissful right now.

We received a card and gift from one of the couples at church this past week. The card read, "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of Him. -1 Samuel 1:27" On the inside it read, "Sharing the joy of answered prayers, hopes granted and dreams come true." Throughout this pregnancy we held onto the hope of having our son safely in our arms, and every day we get to hold him and see him grow we're reminded of God's faithfulness. The card we received this past week reminded me of a blog post that I'd written the night before Bailey passed away. It was a love letter to our daughter about how much we loved her, how much we prayed for her, and how much we looked forward to seeing her grow and watching the plans that God had for her unfold. Unfortunately those hopes and dreams for our daughter were cut all too short. We never got to hear her cry, we never got to see her smile, never got to stare at her watching her little chest move in the middle of the night just to make sure she was still breathing. We never got to hear her laugh, or come up with a joke, or even hear her voice. I know we will someday, and in the scheme of eternity, that day is not too far off. But when a child is lost at the very threshold of life, it feels as though the very air in your lungs is taken away, and it becomes hard to even breath a breathe of relief. I didn't realize that I had been caring that same "held breathe" with me since we lost Bailey, but it was always there. Now again we're at the threshold of life, but this time we are able to rejoice in Cy's life, of answered prayers, hopes granted and dreams come true. We can finally breath. We know that our son would not be here if it weren't for the steadfast love of the Father, and the commitment to intercessory prayer that went forth on our behalf. Truly, what a time for many to rejoice at this little guy's life. So many people have had a part in him getting here safely. So many people will have a part in steering him towards a life committed to the LORD. Like Hannah standing before Eli, Ryan and I have committed our children to the Father. What a neat card to have received this week, and what a neat reminder that we do get to watch the hopes and dreams we have for this boy unfold.

"...26 I am the woman who was standing here in your presence, praying to the LORD. 27For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him. 28Therefore I have lent him to the LORD. As long as he lives, he is lent to the LORD." -1 Samuel 1:26-28

God is Faithful

God is faithful. The last three years have felt like they've been a constant struggle. About three years ago in August Ryan and I tried to start having a second baby. A year and a half ago, we did have our second baby, but she was 19 weeks early, and had passed away before we got to meet her. That delivery was surrounded by uncertainty, was very high risk, and we looked at the possibility of us losing our fertility, if not my life as well. People prayed for us from in our hospital room, throughout the city, across the country and in India a group of women gathered and prayed continuously for us throughout the night that Bailey would come safely and that we'd have a miracle. We did have a miracle that morning. It was Ryan and my 3rd anniversary, and at 6:33 in the morning, Bailey was born. Perfectly whole, perfectly beautiful and before the placenta...which was, our miracle. We got to spend time with our daughter that day, and then five days later buried our little girl with the promise of seeing her someday again in Heaven. God is faithful.

The rest of the year was followed by a lot of pain, both emotional and physical. I had a few surgeries and Ryan and I began trying again for another child. Last August I took Melodie to the opening day of the State Fair. While walking around I had an intense episode of morning sickness. After that, Melo and I went to watch the pig races (It's Wisconsin, you have to have pig races). The way the race works is that they pick three kids out of the crowd to root for the different pigs in the races. There were three races that we watched. The first race came and went and afterwards the guy running the race called out the the winning Pig Rooter, "Hey little lady, what's your name?" The cute little girl responded, "Bailey". The second race was run and the guy running the race called out to the winning Pig Rooter, "Hey little lady, what's YOUR name?" The girl responded, "Uh, it's Bailey." "Bailey?" as if to clarify (because really, how many Baileys have you ever met? I've only met one, and it was my daughter). "Yep, Bailey!". The final race went and the guy asked the winning Pig Rooter, "Hey, what's your name?" She responded, "Um Sir, you're not going to believe me, but it's Bailey." The guy let out a long whistle through his teeth, and said, "Well, ain't that the darndest thing?" Much to the pleasure of the crowd. I, on the other hand, was convinced that this was a special message for me that I was pregnant. So when the end of the month came and went with a negative pregnancy test, I was confused and bummed. Why would it have seemed that God had orchestrated such an odd day at the fair for it all be for naught? It just didn't make sense, but in the midst of that Ryan and I held onto one thing, that God is faithful.

Ryan and I continued to try for another child, and in November we found out that we were expecting another baby in August. We were both thrilled, and nervous. A month later I ended up on bedrest for 8 and 1/2 weeks because of a subchorionic hemorrhage, that I was told, because of its' size in relation to the baby, would likely cause us to miscarry. Again we were surrounded in prayer. And again we trusted the Lord with our pregnancy. I had a relatively easy pregnancy after that point, with only some preterm contractions and a couple of trips to Labor and Delivery to rule out preterm labor, but nothing major. We had a very happy, very active little boy growing inside of me, and we were thrilled but cautious about our excitement. Last week Wednesday I began to contract regularly, after awhile I went to the hospital, was found to be in labor, and got an epidural. Everything was going great. Cy looked good on the monitor, I was comfortable, and things were progressing without a problem. That is, until they broke my water. Cy started having really big decels in his heartrate, and his heart tones looked really ugly, my nurse (and co-worker), turned off the volume of the monitor, turned the screen away and told me just to trust her. I decided to just go with it, relax and be a patient instead of a nurse. A few hours later, my cervix still hadn't changed since when they'd broken my water and the decels continued. My OB came in to place internal monitors, which I knew meant that I only had a couple of hours to make some good change or else I'd end up with a c-section. When my OB returned 20 minutes later and told the nurse to turn off the Pitocin, I figured that it meant Cy's hearttones looked pretty ugly. When she told me I had 10 minutes to be complete and delivered, I realized how ugly his hearttones were. I ended up with a c-section, and at 1:55 in the afternoon, Ryan and I heard a noise that we'd been waiting three years to hear. The sound of our baby crying for the first time. Cy Daniel was also born perfectly whole, but with this kiddo we were given the added blessing of looking forward to enjoying him for the rest of his life. God is faithful.

It wasn't until a few days later that I realized that he had come on the first day of the State Fair. Exactly a year to the day after last year's experience of morning sickness and "The Baileys" at the pig race. God is faithful.

In another neat work of God, our good friends welcomed his parents to town from India. Sunder is from India, where Joanna met him while on a mission's trip with YWAM. Sunder's Dad is the pastor at the church where Joanna did some work, the two fell in love, and after a long courtship, got married and live a few blocks away. Sunder's Dad and Mom were responsible for the all night prayer and fasting that was done by a group of 40-some widows at their church that went through our dark night and resulted in us holding our miracle, Bailey, and being able to say goodbye. This week we were able to welcome them into our home, and THEY were able to hold our most recent miracle, Cy. God is faithful.

We have had such an easy transition to have the two kids at home. I've had such little pain from the c-section that I'm a bit in disbelief. Cy is one of the most content and easy going babies that I've been around, and Melodie adores her brother. We've been welcomed home to numerous e-mails, facebook messages, cards, calls and visits all rejoicing with us at the latest addition to our family. I've been able to have my mom and sister stay with us to help me recover this first week, and I can't believe how easy and wonderful it has been. We are overjoyed, thrilled and blessed. God is faithful.