Baking with the kids

We had Kaiden and Ella over today and decided to make some chocolate chip cookies. Other than the mishap of Melodie running down the street while I ran inside to take the cookies out of the oven, the venture went off without a hitch! Praise the Lord that she didn't run INTO the street! It's amazing what can happen when you turn around for less than a minute.

Anyway, we had a great time with the kiddos. The three of them had a good time "helping", and mixing up the stuff in their own bowls. It's nice to have such good friends at such a young age, and the cookies didn't turn out half bad either!

They also had a good time attempting to take a nap...which really just turned into a giant giggle fest of sorts! Alas, we tried.

Melodie's first soccer practice

We started out the day having a PJ party, with plans for a low-key day. I built a fort for Melodie in the living room, and was planning on laying low. Until...

Melodie discovered her soccer cleats. Then we moved downstairs to kick the ball around, but...

that wasn't enough, plus running around in fleece PJ's is hot. So we needed to change her clothes, but...

there's only so much space available in the basement, so we had to move outside. And that's when...

serious soccer practice began! Watch out world, here Melodie comes!

I was actually really impressed with how well she dribbled the ball, and kicked it.

She also loved to run and chase after it when I'd kick it back up the hill.

and these two shots are my favorite...we practiced some set plays as well... ha!

Nice form kiddo!

Then we went out to the park to run around some more, where we wouldn't have to worry about kicking a ball into the street. Melodie loved dribbling through, er with, the cones.

I caught her sitting on the ball for a breather. We'll have to cover that next time. There's only so much one can handle at a practice.

I like to call this one the "I'm going to take you down" face. Again, watch out world, here she comes!

My little Braveheart!

Fun around the house

Our friends offered to watch Melodie for us last night, so that we could go out and celebrate my birthday. It was a lot of fun, and nice to have a great dinner with just Ryan and me. Melodie also was excited to bring her backpack, and hang out with Kaiden and Ella for the evening! Does the grin show off her excitement enough? She also thought that she was going for an "adventure", so she tried to be like Dora and climb the stairs, run and jump. It was pretty cute.

In college my mom made me a french memo board for my apartment. (Blue and Gold of course!) I put it up yesterday by the table where Melodie and friends color and play with playdough. I like having something to display her artwork on...other than my fridge.

I'm digging Melo's art skills as well. Here's her first REAL attempt to color a picture, other than just scribbling. She picked out all of the colors herself. And after the eyes were done/overdone, I told her that she should try and color Dora's shirt. She pulled out the orange and colored, and then realized I think that Dora's shirt was pink and tried that out too. She also give Dora some pigtails like hers...notice the colored blue circles on either side of Dora's head? Not too shabby for a first attempt.

I've been loving having the basement setup as a playroom, while I fold laundry, but sometimes I catch someone eating the Play-Dough instead of playing with it. Alas, it's non-toxic so I really don't freak out about it...just don't tell Melodie that!

We went out to Target the other day, and Melodie insisted on wearing her Dad's sunglasses, bringing a bear, and her "windmill". Um, thankfully the "windmill" "accidentally" got left in the car when we went into Target.

Melodie has gotten pretty good at navigating the iPod. It sort of scares me, and now I know why my Dad used to always say that NOTHING was where he left it on the computer when we'd come home and use his computer. I get it now Dad. How is it that a 2 year old knows how to move icons and I don't?

Melodie loves to help in the kitchen, which is both fun and a challenge. I find myself coming up with extra steps so that she can "help". Like special mixing the cheese sauce for mac and cheese. Oh well, the smile makes the mess worth it.

Last week Melodie scared us by waking up screaming that her neck "really really hurt". After a trip to the doctor, then to the ER to rule out Meningitis, we found out that it was just a badly sprained muscle. Praise the Lord! We were relieved, but it still took about a week for her neck to get back to normal. You can tell in this picture that she still wasn't turning her head to the left much. Thankfully it's back to normal now, even after a short tumble down the basement stairs this morning. What a relief!

The summer has come and gone

I can't believe that summer has come and gone. It seems like we waited and waited for it to come, and then the warm breezy days danced away before enough of them were enjoyed outside. Thankfully, fall is here and upon us, and I'm enjoying the much cooler weather. Give me a 60 degree day where I can where jeans and a sweatshirt, and I'll be happy to go and play outside.

We've been having a good time with the families from our small group. It's amazing how much fun it has been for the kids to get together and play. This picture is from Harper's birthday party where the kids found a fuzzy catepilar to play with on the ground. We've been so thankful to be surrounded by so many young and growing families at our church. What an encouragement that has been!

Melodie has been quite funny lately. It seems as though two weeks ago, someone flipped on her imagination, and now she has her own little pretend world. She likes to pick fake things up out of a bowl and eat them, or color with them, etc. It's been a lot of fun to see her personality come out more and more. We're so thankful for her.

Even though summer came and went quickly, it still was full of stuff. My friend Sara got married, and Ryan and I enjoyed a wonderful wedding, and time meeting some new friends. there even was a bagpiper at the ceremony, which was a first for us, but oh so cool. Ryan was a little concerned though, when I questioned whether the bagpiper went "COMPLETELY" traditional in his garb...alas, a question we'll never know the answer too...

Back in July, Melodie was potty-trained, and yes, I felt the need to post the obligatory picture of her on the pot. She did a great job, and I was thankful that it was done by Bailey's due date. A random goal, but a goal that Melodie helped meet, and it was nice to have something to celebrate on that day. We went out to Balistreri's Pizzeria, to remember our second girlie with, and were pleasantly surprised at Melodie being able to go "potty" in a public bathroom. Way to go kiddo! We're proud of you!

As has become an annual tradition, we took a trip to Noah's Ark, in the Wisconsin Dells to celebrate Ryan's birthday in August. We spent the majority of our time at "Tadpole Bay" going down the water slide there, and playing with the water tables, and buckets that dumped every 5-10 minutes. We had a great time, and I look forward to going back with Melodie again next year, and seeing how much more she's able to do.

We went with Ana, her brother Gabriel, Ari and Madeline, and had a great time. The cousins got along great, and I'm glad that they were in town to share the day with.

As always, Melodie still loves going to Brewer games, and I think she may have a future as a sports caster, as she regularly follows the games and exclaims in a low voice, "strike!' "Ball!" "Safe!" or "You'rrrrrrrrrre out!". She's pretty entertaining, especially when "Uncle Bill" (our usher) comes around. She loves "Uncle Bill", and he seems to love giving her programs or schedules. It's been pretty cute.

Updates

It's been a long time since I've updated the Young Family Blog, and at the behest of my sister, I decided to dump a few pictures today. After receiving the first good news at a doctor's appointment since the beginning of the year, we finally got the green light to start trying for more kiddos. We're keeping our fingers crossed, but hopefully soon, we'll be able to add pictures of more than just Melo.

Melodie loves to dress up. Especially if it involves putting on glasses. This particular day of potty-training, she needed a little help from her superhero friend Sporticus!

I also took some time during potty-training to revamp the basement. It had been a catch-all for everything that we didn't have time to put away, but with some new storage shelves in the furnace room, I was able to make some headway on getting Melodie a play area. This happens to be her "reading nook".

Melodie loves to play downstairs. I'm thrilled, because it's so much easier than the constant toy cleanup upstairs. We're hoping to paint the basement soon as well, using some of our leftover semi-gloss to give the basement a fresh look.

This was right after Melodie's first (and last by ME) haircut. I just trimmed her bangs because they kept getting in her eyes, but was mortified with my results. I'm so sorry kiddo. Thanks for telling me, "Oh Mommy, I look BEAUTIFUL! Good job!" afterward. You really are a little encourager.

Lastly, a piece of island paradise. This was from our trip to visit the Young's in Hawai'i, while we were whale watching off Diamond Head. Nothing quite like it in the world. Funny to think about how different our lives were six months ago. I'm so thankful for that trip as a family, and the time we all got to spend together. I love Hawai'i, but being able to be there with Ryan, Melodie and Bailey make it all that much sweeter. Thanks Gabe and Ana for the wonderful calm before the storm. And thank you storm for finally blowing some fresh wind our away.

Bailey, Brewers and Brats

Thought that I would post a few pictures of our spring so far. We've had a great spring, and are enjoying a change in the seasons, both physically and emotionally.

We had Bailey's headstone laid on Wednesday, and I'm really happy with how it turned out. It looks great, and it's a great place to go and remember her. The lamb turned out great, and I was really happy with the font that West Coast Memorials came up with. It's so "kiddish".

Our annual family Brewers picture. It's great to live in a city with a team close by.

I also think we have three seasons of this same photo. It'll be fun to see how Melo changes over the years, and hopefully, to watch our family expand.

The Brewers have a great play area outside the park. Melodie is finally big enough to go down the bigger slides, and she loves it. I thought that it was genius marketing to place the opening of the slide right through to see the Miller Park sign in the background. Now THAT was planning!

The Brewers aren't having that great of a season, but we were able to bring Melodie to her first game of the year on Monday, and she did GREAT! She got to meet the famous "Brat" sausage in the parking lot, and has since become a big fan of the sausage race. Melodie, Uncle Sunder and I went to the game on Wednesday, and Melodie woke up out of a sound sleep seconds before the race and started cheering for the sausages! It was hilarious. Apparently someone's internal clock knew when the race was coming.

Melodie's 2!

On Friday Melodie turned two! (Granted, we're working on having her raise two fingers instead of just one as she INSISTS that she's right, and we're wrong...) I worked the night before, so she spent the day with Uncle Mike, and then we went out to eat at Fudruckers. She opened presents: a hippo, playdough, some books and bubbles, and then we had our burgers as she ate a hotdog. We had a great time, and I was so excited to see her excited about the presents. On Saturday Ryan took her to the zoo to attend her first zoo class. Apparently she had a bit of a problem listening, staying sitting, and didn't want to give the toy birdie or the glue stick back. But when I asked her about it, she nearly toppled me over with her excited jabber, flapping her arms, running in circles while exclaiming, "BIRDIES, FLY, CARDINALS, I HOLD IT!!!, BIRDIES, FLY, CARDINALS!!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD IT!!!" My little girl is back! It's been a little over two months since I've seen her so unabashedly excited and joyful about something. It seems like she's starting to be more and more like herself again, and I'm so thankful. Thank you spring for coming into our lives. Thank you Jesus for giving us hope.

Melodie, we love you and cherish every moment we have with you. You are a blessing, and have been since we found out that we were pregnant with you. We pray that you'll know Jesus all the days of your life, and that you'll make Him known to everyone you meet. May your days be many, plentiful, and full of joy, blessing and love. You're a wonderful sister, and we hope that soon you'll be able to experience that blessing on earth as you will in Heaven someday. We love you so very much, you really are our Melodie Joy.

Jesus...thank you for...

Every night before Melodie goes to be we pray with her. This has been every night since she was born until now. And now Melodie is at an age where she'll pray with us. Usually it goes a little something like:

us: "Lord"

MJ: "Lord"

us: "Thank you for"

MJ: "Tank you for:

us: "Mommy and Daddy"

MJ: "Mommy, Daddy"

etc, until we're done thanking God for the things in our lives, and praying for ours and other's needs. Well, last Thursday Melodie called an audible. We were praying like usual, and it went a little something like this:

us: "Lord"

MJ: "Lord, tank you forrrrrr......"

us: "oh, Melodie, what are you thankful for?"

MJ: "Pizzzzzzzzzzza!"

me: (hiding my face and giggling)

Ryan: "that's a great thing to be thankful for. What else are you thankful for?"

MJ: (pointing to Ryan's Brewers hat) "my hat! Jesus' name, AMEN!"

me: "well what about Daddy and Mommy?"

MJ: "um, Uh Mike, Auntie 'Ne....Jesus' name, AMEN!"

Apparently, we were left out, but that's alright. It made me smile all weekend thinking about it. That's right, with all of the worry, etc that we've had, it's great to be thankful for pizza, hats, uncle mike and auntie 'Ne.

Ready for spring

I've always loved the spring time. One of the reasons is that when growing up, snow melting equaled that it was time for soccer to restart. Give me a patch of grass and a ball and I could be content for endless hours.

This year, I'm ready for spring more so than I have been in the past. I'm ready for the life that comes with spring. The rebirth of things that have "gone to sleep" for winter, and the hope and promise of new life that comes with the warmer weather and brighter days. This winter has been a hard one. We've gone through some tough financial times, seen God both give and take away jobs. We struggled through a difficult pregnancy, with countless setbacks, and ultimately an end that came altogether too early for our Bailey. We were faced with the prospect of losing everything with Bailey, including the time to be able to hold her, make our short memories with her, kiss her, smell her and see what she would've looked like. In a moment we had found out that our daughter had passed away, and in the next moment we found out that the thing we then needed so badly was most likely not going to happen. Days later we found out how dangerous our delivery with her really was going to be, and I went home for a few hours to say my goodbyes to Melodie, my parents and siblings. We left our house with so many unknowns, and headed to the hospital to make them known. We had people praying for us around the clock and around the world. I'm so thankful for those sleepless nights for so many that kept us in prayer, because it helped deliver our miracle. Bailey was born perfectly whole and before her placenta making it possible for us to hold her, kiss her, smell her, see her face, take beautiful pictures and say our goodbyes. We were given the gift of seeing how much she looked like her big sister, and that her hair probably would've been red like Ryan's. And most of all, I got the gift of seeing a countenance that was at peace. It was the best gift of all, because in that moment I didn't see a face that reflected pain, anguish and struggle. I now can know that in a moment she was with me, and in the next she was with her Heavenly Father, and there was no gap. Bailey ALWAYS has known love, peace and joy, and for that I'll be eternally grateful. But then, days later, we had to bury that miracle. Like a seed in the ground that must first die, and then spring to life. We buried the hopes, dreams and joys we had for our daughter and must wait for spring to come. There is an irreplaceable ache in our hearts for her, that will never be healed, and a hole in our family that can never be filled. But we are waiting for spring. We're waiting for the new hopes, the new life and the new weather of life. I was reminded of that even more so this morning, when upon going to pick up Melodie from the nursery, she wasn't there. She wasn't in the lobby, she wasn't with any of our friends, the door to the parking lot was open and so many things went through my mind. Mainly, that she's the only one we've got, and now we might lose her too. My thought was, "Lord, you're going to take away Melodie from us too? What else is there for us to lose? What more do we have? What more can we give?" I was in a moment reminded of Job crying out and defending his plea to his friends, saying basically that he had lost everything, that he had nothing left to give, but that "My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man he pleads with God as a man pleads for his friend." (Job 16:20-21) Even though Job lost everything, he would not lose his faith. We won't either, but we wait oh so eagerly for Spring to come, for the winter months of our journey to come to a close. Intercess for us Jesus, plead with the Father on our behalf. Melodie was found a few minutes later running into the sanctuary. I was relieved and thankful to have her in my arms, and she patted my back and rubbed it saying, "oh, it's okay momma, it's okay". I'm thankful that it is, but I'll also be thankful for a weather change.

One of my favorite Easter sermons that I've heard was from Tony Campolo who years ago preached a message that "Friday's here, but Sunday's a comin'!!" We're ready for Sunday Lord. We're ready for the Spring.

Sisters

I've always loved having a large family. Recently, I've realized even more how nice it is to have my sisters and brothers. They have been a support to Ryan and me that I could never have imagined I'd need as much as we have. We had a number of scary moments throughout our pregnancy with Bailey. There were a few times where I'd called up my sister Carrie bawling, convinced that we were losing her. She prayed with me, talked to me, comforted me and assured me that if we indeed were losing Bailey that we'd get through it, but also she prayed with great love and passion that Bailey would be healed and healthy. All of my siblings did.

The day we found out that Bailey's heart had stopped beating, my sisters gathered together, picked up a special bracelet for me to hang on to and remember Bailey by and piled in the car to come to Milwaukee to be there for us that day. We had some horribly difficult decisions to make regarding Bailey's delivery, and they were there as a support and encouragement. They were there to get me to laugh that night. And they've all been there to process the "after-time" of losing and burying our daughter. They have been such a blessing, and I don't know where Ryan and I would be without them.

I was playing with Melodie yesterday morning, and remembered a "sister moment" that Melodie had shared with Bailey. It was shortly after I'd started to feel her move inside of me. Melodie wasn't feeling very well, and was sitting on my lap. I put on "Revelation Song" and turned up the volume. Melodie instantly calmed down, and began to sing the words that she knew of the song, and inside me I felt Bailey start to move. She was flipping all around. It was as if she was worshipping right along with us. I didn't realize it then, but God was giving us a picture of her personality. She was a worshipper from the womb. And now she gets to worship uninhibitted. In the fullness of God's glory she gets to worship the King. With no imperfect words, with no selfish thoughts our Bailey gets to let loose and worship God with all of her spirit. I'm so thankful for that picture. I'm so thankful that I know that both my girls love to worship, and someday Bailey will get to teach Ryan, Melodie and me what it's REALLY like to worship.

A few weeks ago Melodie had gotten up before me, and I went to spy on her through the keyhole in the door between our rooms, and in the midst of her playing with her lamb she stopped, exclaimed "Bailey...sister" and then fell into a heap on the ground sobbing. I was so taken by surprise, because there wasn't anyone around for her to be doing it for show. It was her own way of dealing with the death of the sister that she had loved, prayed for and was excited to share life with. It was after that, that I began talking to her about where Bailey was. Now if we ask Melodie "where's your sister?" or "where's Bailey?", she reaches her hand up in the sky, looks up, and declares, "Heaven!". Who's she with Melodie? "Jesus". And yesterday she informed me that she was "taking a nap in Heaven with Jesus". My response, "um, that's great, just don't you go taking any naps in Heaven with Jesus yet, okay?"

I so desperately desire to have a larger family. Ryan and I both are one of five kids, and love having a bigger family. It's hard to think of Melodie without siblings to share life with. We have no idea what the future will bring for us, but we keep praying that God has his way and that we'll be blessed with more children.

24 weeks

I realized today that I should've been 24 weeks pregnant with Bailey today. It most likely would've been my last night at work until I delivered our peanut because of the placenta being where it was, and I'm sure it would've been a bittersweet moment for me. The anticipation of waiting to meet her, coupled with the fear of losing her. Today would've marked the "point of viability", and I told myself that today would be the day when I'd start dealing with what we expected to be the reality of me having another major abdominal surgery. I had hoped to start working more fervently on Bailey's blanket today, so that I'd have something to do while I was at home on bed rest, and so Bailey would have a blanket when she was born. Today would've been the day where Ryan and I anxiously waited on the Lord to provide for our finances throughout the rest of our pregnancy and recovery, and instead I look on the site for the Ella Bullis Foundation and marvel when I see how the Lord is providing for Bailey's burial and headstone costs from both strangers and friends. Today I was driving home from Michigan and had a flutter in my stomach and instantly caught myself feeling my belly and trying to "touch" Bailey as she kicked, only to realize all to quickly that it was just a gas bubble. I can't believe the difference 3 weeks makes. We found out that Bailey had passed away three weeks ago today, and 3 weeks later, Bailey would've been "viable". I miss her a lot, and so badly want to sit in a rocker with her and just rock.

I miss you Bailey, and I so very much look forward to meeting you someday.

Ella Bullis Foundation

I had shared previously that a foundation had come alongside of us to help offset the costs for the funeral costs and headstone for Bailey. The Ella Bullis Foundation recently posted our story and has now made it available for anyone to view via their website: http://www.ellabullis.org/, under "The Young Family". There was an original deadline attached to the "case" of February 20, but that was extended to March 1st as there were some problems uploading our story in their system. We are so blessed that this has happened, as I've been unable to work much of the last three months and we wanted to get the right headstone for Bailey's spot.

Bailey's Funeral

It already seems like an eternity ago that we had Bailey's memorial service, but it was only last Monday. We had expected it to be a small service with just our immediate family and a couple of close friends, but when we pulled up to the cemetery office we were overwhelmed. There was such a line-up of cars already parked, and people crammed into the cemetery office waiting to celebrate and remember Bailey's short time on earth with us. Ryan and I looked at each other in amazement and all I could say was that I had only expected "like five cars".

Pastor Dave, the head pastor from our church, did a wonderful job with the service. We had met with him the day before the funeral and asked him to keep things short, simple, and to please share from Psalm 139, as that has been a passage which has gotten us through our entire pregnancy and delivery with Bailey. He shared with us that after having prayed about it before meeting with us, that God had given him the very same passage and verses to read and share from. It was a great "Holy Spirit" moment for the three of us. Again, what a great God would serve. One of the special things that Pastor Dave had shared at the service was that he had prayed that not only would Bailey's cousins; Grace, James and Hudson get to meet, hold and play with Bailey, but he had asked that God would bring his son Gregory to meet Bailey and hold her as well. Gregory had passed away unexpectedly when he was 10 years old, and it was such a special thing to Ryan and me that Pastor Dave would ask that his son would be a part of Bailey's life.

This is my favorite picture from the memorial service (minus my glove...which I wish I would've remembered to take off!). I love our three expressions. I feel like it really shows not only the emotion of the day, but also a portion of the abundance of people at Bailey's service. I also love seeing the people in the background. It's a great reminder of how loved and supported we've been throughout this entire journey.

This is one of my favorite pictures that I have of my brother-in-law Mike.

The casket spray turned out great as well. The "jewels" were actually from my wedding bouquet, and the ribbon is the same one that was on Bailey's blanket from my mom and the bow that she put together for the croucheted blanket I had made for her. It was the perfect size, and was both funky and yet simple enough to represent exactly how I picture Bailey. Although we only got to meet her during ultrasounds, I know that she had spunk. She always was active, except for the last time we saw her alive. It was during those glimpses of her, that she was more subdued. I didn't understand at the time, but know now that it was because she was on her way to go meet the Father. But I also feel so very fortunate for the time I got to hold her in the hospital. Because of my amazing nurses at the hospital, I was able to hold Bailey within the minute after she was born. They placed her in my arms, and I got to see her face. She looked so "at peace". I've seen other babies who have passed away before they were born, and they don't always have that expression of peace on their face. Sometimes you can tell that it was a struggle for them until the end, but with Bailey I know because of that time I was able to spend with her that she truly went peacefully and is now in peace for eternity in the Kingdom. It was truly a gift from the Lord to be able to see her that morning, and I can't wait to see her again.

I posted Bailey's video on youtube yesterday, and when I clicked on the link today found out that it has already been viewed 36 times. I'm completely overwhelmed. I've been overwhelmed by all of the responses from people on facebook, and to now see how many more people have already seen it on youtube is incredible to me. I've had a number of people come up to me and thank me for making the video, for sharing it, sharing with me their own stories of loss and heartache, telling me that Bailey's video brought healing to them over losses in their family, etc. And again, I'm overwhelmed. We made that video as a way to share Bailey's short life with those around us, but have found that it has become so much "bigger" than we ever expected. As a parent, you always want to share your kid's accomplishments and stories with the people you know, but to have Bailey's testimony actually minister to people already is an incredible gift. Thank you so much for watching her video. Thank you for commenting on facebook and this blog. Thank you for sharing it with your family and friends. Thank you for sharing your lives with us, as we've opened ours to share with you. It means so much to know that Bailey is not forgotten, to know that what happened was not a mistake, and to know that we still have a Father who orchestrates this great symphony of our lives in such a way that all of our instruments interweave to create the greatest song ever. Thank you for sharing your portion of the symphony with us, and allowing us to share ours with you.