Mother's Day

Dear Children,

  On this week following Mother's Day, I feel compelled to write you both a letter.  You, dear ones, have filled my heart with exceeding joy and love.  You have made me happier, stronger, funnier and more patient than I could imagine.  You are both/all uniquely you, and I marvel at how God has knit you together.  You are special.  You are unique.  You. Are. LOVED! 

  From the moment Dad and I met, we had you in mind.  We prayed for you (and still do, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.), and tried for you, and waited for you, and wept for you when we thought we were losing you, and cried out for you, and rejoiced over you, or for you, when you were born.  Sweet Young ones, you have been in my heart and my dreams since I was little.  Know this, as much as I have prayers for, dreamed of and desired you, your Heavenly Father has so much more.  And not only has he dreamed of your present, but he dreams over, plans for and delights in your future.  In praying over you, I hold fast to Jeremiah 1:5:

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."  

God has perfect plans for you, and when you get overwhelmed sometimes looking at what He has called you to, or start to feel inadequate remember this next portion of Jeremiah 1.  It's there for a reason, to remind you that Jeremiah felt the same way.  And God knew that you too would feel just as he did.  He includes this exchange so that you would know that your strength and your purpose are wholly set in him.  In Him, you won't fail in living up to all He has desired and planned for you.  Apart from Him, you'll still probably do great things (because a perfect designer has gifted and purposed you), but those great things won't be eternally great things and they'll always pale in comparison to what He wants to do with and through you.  

Jeremiah 1:6-8 "Then I said, "Ah, Lord GOD!  Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth." 7 But the LORD said to me,

“Do not say, ‘I am only a youth’;

for to all to whom I send you, you shall go,

and whatever I command you, you shall speak.

 8 Do not be afraid of them,

for I am with you to deliver you,

declares the LORD.”

Melodie, you have to know how pleased your Dad and I are with you.  You, sweet girl, made us parents.  You broke us in, and you've taught us thankfulness and joy.  You are so very special, and I love every way that God has made you.  God has had your heart from the moment you were born.  You have a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit that I love.  The pictures you've drawn and the stories you tell of your revelations of who Jesus is, and what God's heart is.  Child!  That's the good stuff of being a parent!  That is what my prayer for you has always been.  That you would know Jesus and make him known to everyone you meet.  Melodie, you do that.  When you see someone having a hard time, you tune into them and come alongside them to help.  That is being Jesus, Honey.  Never stop.  Not when it becomes unpopular.  Not when people scoff, not when it's uncomfortable.  Never stop loving those that are hurting.  You will find your heart's delight in serving "the fringe" and the "forgotten".  Be eyes that always see, and hands that always respond.  In this, know, that Dad and I have your back.  We support you.  God will stretch us, as He grows you, but we'll do it for you.  You're worth it, He's worth it, they're worth it.  Remember your weapons, when you fight this dark world that desires to separate, burden, hurt and alienate people.  You have prayer, you have the gift of healing and compassion, and you discern well.  Put those gifts to work and grow in them.
Jesus tells his disciples in Matthew 10:16:
"Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves."
 Your gifts will be like mighty arrows in your quiver.  Trust in the Lord to be the one to take aim, but you build your muscles and readiness and be trained and available to be used.  I delight when I dream of the things God has planned for you.  They're big things, and it'll be an exciting adventure.  I love you, sweet girl.

Bailey," my spit-fire redhead" you must know how I long to hold you and squeeze your guts out.  You are our worshipper.  You have been from the start.  You understand worship and Jesus'' response to the Pharisees in a way that I've only had momentary glimpses of.

Luke 19:40

He answered. "I tell you, if these were silent, the very stones would cry out."

What is it like?  To worship with pure, unadulterated, unhindered, unselfish, pure resonating worship?  You, dear one, have known your entire life.  And I'm promised that someday I'll get to learn how to really worship from you.  I ache for that day.  Dream of it often, and delight knowing that you are at the feet of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  All the days of your life, forever and ever.  Keep the watch.  Someday we'll join you.  Until we do, we will praise Him with you.  I love you Bailey girl.  Always and forever.

Cy Daniel.  My boy.  You are another answer to a thousand prayers and sleepless nights.  Everyone of them worth it.  You have such spunk, humor, sensitivity and passion.  You remind me of John.  A great friend of Jesus and the one who it's written of that rested his head on Jesus.

John 13:23

"...One of the disciples, the one Jesus loved dearly, was reclining against him, his head on his shoulder."

Be like John, Cy.  A friend of Jesus, willing to rest on him at all times, and also a great revealer of the Word.  Know Him, as He knows you, and just share Him with others out of that friendship.  You have escaped death on more than one occasion already in your short life, the Father has good and perfect plans for you.  That funny, sensitive and crazy personality will serve the Kingdom well.  Let Jesus be the delight of your life and you will never lose reason to bring joy and life to others.  You are a blessing, dear boy.

April Baby, you left us before we got to know you.  But we love you sweet one.  We ache to meet you.  We're thankful for our brief time here with you, because we know we'll have eternity to get to know you.  You are loved.

My children, you should also know a secret.  I wish I were more for you.  I wish I could tuck you in every night, and be there to pray with you for every nightmare.  I wish I were home every morning to help you get ready for school, and snuggle you and tell you how proud I am of you everyday before you leave.  I wish you always heard my voice saying "Be a light for Jesus". When you walked out the door.   I wish I weren't so tired after work, and that I were more organized to make sure you got signed up for all of the teams you want to play on, with the friends you wanted to be with.  I wish I were slower to frustration, and more abundant in love.  I wish I were more wise, more patient and more understanding of how to nurture who God made you to be.  Know this, in all of my shortcomings, Jesus is more than adequate.  In all of my imperfections, there is one who is perfect.  In sleepless nights, or encounters with the world, He goes with you.  In all of my desires to see good and perfect plans come to pass in your life, there is one whose plans ARE perfect and HE is

"...gracious and compassionate, 

slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love".

(Psalm 145:8)

I love you kiddos, and I'm so thankful that God chose me to be your Mom.  You draw me closer to understanding Him.  You make me want to be like Him.  You bring me exceeding joy and delight.  Know always, that when you feel like you've come up short, you're always enough.  Lean in to God and let him transform your identity to be more like his.  It's a wonderfully humbling place to be, and you guys have brought me there.  Thank you!  I love you, each of you.  Now, forever and always.  

Hugs and snuggles,

mom

A Response to "A Message Signed with Blood, To the Nation of the Cross"

This past weekend, ISIS released a video entitled "A Message Signed with Blood, To the Nation of the Cross."  I saw images of 21 Christian men, kneeling in orange jumpsuits in front of 21 men shrouded in darkness.  I looked into the faces of these brave men, and tried to put myself in their place. They must have known what was coming.  They must have been tortured terribly physically, emotionally and psychologically prior to being led out onto that beach.  They must have suffered so much before being on that beach, and yet, I look into the faces of those men and I try to imagine what they were thinking in those last moments on earth.  I see bravery, I see courage, and I see love.

In Matthew 10:24-25, Jesus tells us:

"A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master.  It is enough for the disciple to be like his teacher, and the servants like his master.  If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul, how much more will they malign those of his household."

The last is said as a statement, rather than a question.  If we know that Jesus was mocked, flogged, tortured and executed in the most hideous of ways, we also should expect the same being those of his household.  This isn't said to scare us off, but rather so that when these things happen we are not surprised by them.  Two thousand years ago, what happened on the beaches of Libya on Sunday was spoken about.  But what should our response to these actions be?   If I desire to be a disciple of Jesus, then his Word ensures that "it is enough..to be like the teacher"(Matthew 10:24).  And to be like the teacher I need to look at what His response is to these things.

Matthew 14:13-21 gives us an example of what our response should be.  Having just learned from his disciples that John the Baptist had been beheaded, here is Jesus' response:

"Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself.  But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns.  When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.  Now when it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, "This is a desolate place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.  But Jesus said, "They need not go away; you give them something to eat."  They said to him, "We have only five loaves here and two fish."  And he said, "Bring them here to me."  Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass, and taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing.  Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds.  And they all ate and were satisfied.  And they took up twelve baskets full of the broken pieces left over.  And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children."

The first thing that Jesus did upon learning about the beheading of John the Baptist is that he withdrew from the crowds to a desolate place by himself.  My contention would be that the Lord himself withdrew to spend some quiet time with the Father, but he was not given much time as the crowds followed him and pursued him.  They actual came out of the towns and went after Jesus because they were hungry.  Hungry to see his response.  Hungry for the Son of God to do something. Hungry to know how to respond.  Did you find yourself in that place on Sunday when you heard the news of our 21 brothers that were beheaded?  Did you go before the Father and search out "why", and "how long", and pray for their families?  Many of us did.  And the world is watching.  ISIS is watching, our neighbors are watching, our friends and co-workers are watching.  The enemy wants to know if their "message signed with the blood" of our 21 brothers will shake us, rattle us, anger us or cause us to turn from serving our Jesus.  They mean to intimidate and silence us, but what should our response be?

"...he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick." Matthew 10:14

We're called to have compassion on them, and to serve the lost.  We're called to heal the sick.  I find it so backwards, when we're in a world of entitlement and "justice", that the model our Savior gives is love and compassion.  It is love to go and engage the crowd, instead of hoarding our time alone with the Father.  It is love to put ourselves at risk by coming out and being bold in our faith.  It is Christ's compassion that does not allow him to consider himself more than the crowd, and allows him instead to go out and heal the sick.  We are called to do the same.  We are called to be compassionate and loving and to pray and believe for the sick to be healed.  

We're also called to share the gospel.  When evening fell, the disciples tried to help Jesus out and send away the crowds.  It's as if they said, "alright, enough of your ministering and love and compassion and healing, what these people really need now is some food.  Let them go eat Jesus, and we can rest too.  But check out Jesus' response, "They don't need to go away, you give them something to eat."  The disciples had no idea what to do, so Jesus took the lead and showed them.  He took the five loaves and the two fish, blessed them and broke them.  Then here's where Jesus shows compassion to his disciples.  They missed their first opportunity to turn the five loaves and two fishes into enough to feed the 5,000+, but he gives them a second chance.  "Here's what you do with it, now YOU go out and give it to them."  Sometimes we don't know how to provide for the impossible circumstances around us. We need to look to Jesus to multiply our meager circumstances.  The Bible tells us that there was such an abundance, that twelve baskets were filled with the leftovers!  

With God there is always more than enough.  And with those who come into our lives, what they are seeking out is a godly response to a world of disorder.  What makes sense in the natural is to preserve our safety, but what makes sense in the spiritual is to have compassion, to heal and to spiritually feed those around us.  The world is looking for a response to the message that ISIS sent, and here is my response: 

Thank you for the reminder to spend the beginning of each of my days worshipping the God of all Creation, and to put his son, Jesus as the example of how I should live my life.  It reminds me of who He is, and gets my eyes off of myself.  And when my eyes are off of myself and on Jesus, it helps me to look and be reminded that everyone I encounter today is in my life for a reason.  The good and the bad.  The healed up and the hurting.  The joyful and the depressed.  Those very near to the Lord, and those that would kill me because of my faith.  Those who shine brightly, and those who are shrouded in darkness.  Each one I encounter is a divine opportunity to have compassion, to pray and believe for healing and to make sure that they know they are welcomed at the Lord's table.  There is a spiritual food that satisfies our deepest hunger and pain, and it was purchased for us through the blood shed on a cross 2,000 years ago.  I have tasted that food and know that it is good, and my deepest desire is to share that food with everyone I meet.  The blood of my Savior reminds me that His death was worth it.  The blood of my 21 brothers on a beach at your hands reminds me that it is worth it.  I have spent time away worshipping my God and praying for you, and I look at you with compassion, desiring for your healing, and welcoming you to my table.  Come and eat with me.  Tell me of your burdens, let me pray for you believing in a real God who will show up and heal your every ache.  Come angry, come burdened, come hurting, come lost, come shrouded in darkness, but come.  Taste and see that the Lord is good, and that there is a life in the light that makes everything else pale in comparison.  

An encouragement to my brothers and sisters in Christ from Matthew 10:28-33

"And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.  Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.  Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.  But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.  Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than sparrows.  So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven."

Breath in. Breath out. Selah.

This morning I got home from my last night of a 3 night work week.  Usually, I'm too exhausted to do more than slide my shoes off and jump under my covers, hiding my head from daylight until it's time to get my daughter from school.  This morning, I got home with more on my mind than time or ability to process my thoughts, and sat down for a few moments to decompress.

I work as a nurse in a role that I love, but that is full of nuances and responsibilities and irritations that few but those in my role fully understand.  It sometimes makes it difficult to decompress after a stressful or bizarre night.  And while my husband tries, it's often too much explaining of the back story of "why's" than it is worth expressing the frustration or oddity.  I especially wanted to share my night with him this morning, but knew that it'd be too much explaining than what it was worth so I sat with two Oreos and a glass of milk and thought about the week.  I came down with the crud that everyone seems to have gotten this past winter season.  So bad was it, that last Friday I called my husband asking him to bring home a certain medicine from the store.  When questioned as to why I needed it, my only gasped response was, "Because...it feels...like there...is a python...wrapping itself...around my trachea!".  I haven't been this sick in awhile, and at one point, I was breathing so quickly and hard that I had to tell myself to slow it down.  "Breath in.  Breath out.  Selah.  Breath in.  Breath out.  Selah..."  Such has been my mantra this past week.  Sometimes we forget, that the very breath in our lungs, is a gift from God.  I was reminded of that blessed gift with each pained breath last week.

On the heels of having just recovered from the crud, my three day work week began.  It was one of the busiest few days I've had in some time, and it seemed like everyday when I got up and didn't think I'd have enough energy to even drive into work, I'd be met by non-stop flow of patients and work and a need for high attention to detail.  "This is NOT the type of workday I prayed for God!" I reminded Him several times.  And he gently whispered to me, "Breath in.  Breath out.  Selah."  Amazingly, when I did not think I had the strength, or the energy or the mental quickness to deal with what came my way, it seemed to be there.  And this morning, when I should be the most exhausted, I'm overflowing with energy.

As I sat with my Oreos this morning, unwinding, I said the same thing again, "Breath in.  Breath out.  Selah (pause in the presence of God)".  What is it Lord that you wanted to speak to me about this morning?  Much to my surprise it wasn't that he wanted to remind me of the end of my shift, or the unexpected things in the middle of it, or the craziness at the beginning of yesterday.  He reminded me of a text from a friend last week that simply prodded "write" and of a moment I had with one of the physicians last night when she asked me about a key that I had on my ID badge.  I began to explain that our church began a 21 day fast a couple of weeks ago, and at the beginning of it handed out small keys to everyone with a tag attached that said, "ask, seek, knock" (Matt 7:7-11).  One of the messages had been about "open doors", and ended with the challenge of looking at what the doors in 2015 were in our lives and which ones does God want us to walk through and which ones does he want us to close off?  We were challenged to use our keys as reminders of this during the fast.  I placed mine on my work ID as a reminder to myself that I've been missing opportunities with people by anticipating what was next.  For the past 10 years I've looked anxiously for the day when I "no longer had to be a nurse, but could step into doing full time ministry and really reaching people."  All the while missing those in front of me.  God gently reminded me that the Apostle Paul, one of the greatest teachers and most prolific writers of the entire new testament, was a tentmaker.  It hit me in the heart.  God has been asking to see the person in front of me and love them.  So I ended with telling this physician that it's a humility check for myself.  I am here to love people, and meet with them where they are at in some of their most vulnerable moments, and that is my ministry.  She mentioned how that message resonated with her heart, and that she felt similarly with why she still practices medicine.  It was such a wonderful and unexpected exchange, and I would have missed all of it if I hadn't been willing to just sit, and take a moment to breath in. Breath out.  Selah (pause in the presence of God)

What is it that God is wanting to speak to you about today friends?  Grab a couple of Oreos and sit for a minute.  Turn your phone off and try doing this for a couple of minutes.  Close your eyes and focus of taking a deep breath in, a deep breath out, and then pause in God's presence.  He wants your attention.  He wants to speak to you.  Dial down and find that place with Him.