Tuesday, March 9, 2010


I've always loved having a large family. Recently, I've realized even more how nice it is to have my sisters and brothers. They have been a support to Ryan and me that I could never have imagined I'd need as much as we have. We had a number of scary moments throughout our pregnancy with Bailey. There were a few times where I'd called up my sister Carrie bawling, convinced that we were losing her. She prayed with me, talked to me, comforted me and assured me that if we indeed were losing Bailey that we'd get through it, but also she prayed with great love and passion that Bailey would be healed and healthy. All of my siblings did.
The day we found out that Bailey's heart had stopped beating, my sisters gathered together, picked up a special bracelet for me to hang on to and remember Bailey by and piled in the car to come to Milwaukee to be there for us that day. We had some horribly difficult decisions to make regarding Bailey's delivery, and they were there as a support and encouragement. They were there to get me to laugh that night. And they've all been there to process the "after-time" of losing and burying our daughter. They have been such a blessing, and I don't know where Ryan and I would be without them.

I was playing with Melodie yesterday morning, and remembered a "sister moment" that Melodie had shared with Bailey. It was shortly after I'd started to feel her move inside of me. Melodie wasn't feeling very well, and was sitting on my lap. I put on "Revelation Song" and turned up the volume. Melodie instantly calmed down, and began to sing the words that she knew of the song, and inside me I felt Bailey start to move. She was flipping all around. It was as if she was worshipping right along with us. I didn't realize it then, but God was giving us a picture of her personality. She was a worshipper from the womb. And now she gets to worship uninhibitted. In the fullness of God's glory she gets to worship the King. With no imperfect words, with no selfish thoughts our Bailey gets to let loose and worship God with all of her spirit. I'm so thankful for that picture. I'm so thankful that I know that both my girls love to worship, and someday Bailey will get to teach Ryan, Melodie and me what it's REALLY like to worship.

A few weeks ago Melodie had gotten up before me, and I went to spy on her through the keyhole in the door between our rooms, and in the midst of her playing with her lamb she stopped, exclaimed "Bailey...sister" and then fell into a heap on the ground sobbing. I was so taken by surprise, because there wasn't anyone around for her to be doing it for show. It was her own way of dealing with the death of the sister that she had loved, prayed for and was excited to share life with. It was after that, that I began talking to her about where Bailey was. Now if we ask Melodie "where's your sister?" or "where's Bailey?", she reaches her hand up in the sky, looks up, and declares, "Heaven!". Who's she with Melodie? "Jesus". And yesterday she informed me that she was "taking a nap in Heaven with Jesus". My response, "um, that's great, just don't you go taking any naps in Heaven with Jesus yet, okay?"

I so desperately desire to have a larger family. Ryan and I both are one of five kids, and love having a bigger family. It's hard to think of Melodie without siblings to share life with. We have no idea what the future will bring for us, but we keep praying that God has his way and that we'll be blessed with more children.

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