Saturday, February 27, 2010

24 weeks

I realized today that I should've been 24 weeks pregnant with Bailey today. It most likely would've been my last night at work until I delivered our peanut because of the placenta being where it was, and I'm sure it would've been a bittersweet moment for me. The anticipation of waiting to meet her, coupled with the fear of losing her. Today would've marked the "point of viability", and I told myself that today would be the day when I'd start dealing with what we expected to be the reality of me having another major abdominal surgery. I had hoped to start working more fervently on Bailey's blanket today, so that I'd have something to do while I was at home on bed rest, and so Bailey would have a blanket when she was born. Today would've been the day where Ryan and I anxiously waited on the Lord to provide for our finances throughout the rest of our pregnancy and recovery, and instead I look on the site for the Ella Bullis Foundation and marvel when I see how the Lord is providing for Bailey's burial and headstone costs from both strangers and friends. Today I was driving home from Michigan and had a flutter in my stomach and instantly caught myself feeling my belly and trying to "touch" Bailey as she kicked, only to realize all to quickly that it was just a gas bubble. I can't believe the difference 3 weeks makes. We found out that Bailey had passed away three weeks ago today, and 3 weeks later, Bailey would've been "viable". I miss her a lot, and so badly want to sit in a rocker with her and just rock.
I miss you Bailey, and I so very much look forward to meeting you someday.

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